At the start of the school term, my lad found out that he had got into the school team again.
Last term he wasn’t picked for the first team but was asked to be the reserve keeper. He was a little bit surprised, not because he thought it was a given but he actually said to me how well he’d done in the trials – and trials are not something he’s generally that confident about. Also, it was his first term at secondary school where he only knew one other lad. After the trials quite a few of the lads were saying how good he was. We both thought this could only be a very positive sign, as technically these lads were as good as neutrals because they didn’t know him a few weeks before. They didn’t have any reason to tell him anything other than what they thought.
After he found out about being reserve keeper, he was naturally disappointed because even though he tried not to, he’d got his hopes up. Some of the lads who had been complimenting him before had said they couldn’t believe he hadn’t been chosen for the first team. So although disappointed, he was made to feel a bit better hearing their opinion of him hadn’t changed.
I reasoned with him that if his teacher was interested in the school team doing well, at some point he would probably get a chance. Either through the other lad getting injured, being unavailable or making mistakes, or simply because the teacher wanted the other lad to be kept on his toes by knowing there was another keeper wanting to steal his shirt.
In the meantime I said he should keep training as he normally did, put 100% in and be patient. After a few games, he got his chance. I managed to finish work early to go and watch. He played well, was very vocal and the team won, so a pretty good outcome overall. Afterwards I told him not to expect anything to necessarily come from it because the other keeper might be straight back in for the next game.
What do I know?
He seemed to go from strength to strength and played every game since then. At the start of this term – his 2nd year – he was selected for the first team again but with the added honour of being chosen as first team captain. This was a huge thing for him and he was very proud to be asked to do it. In the first game of this term, he carried on where he left off and kept a clean sheet in a 4-0 win. Things were going really well.
But then a few days later he came home from school, after training, a bit down in the dumps. He said he’d had his fingers knocked back and not played particularly well. I told him it was ok and everybody has an off day once in a while but it didn’t have the desired effect. He was very low. I managed to drag out of him what was on his mind, apart from the training session. The latest team sheet was due up on the board the following day and he was convinced he’d be dropped. On and off, I was thinking about it most of that evening.
Initially, I didn’t think he’d get left out of the team – when I was trying to lift his spirits I argued that it was unlikely that the team selection would be based on just one training session, more likely it would be over the last few training sessions and the last few matches. But as tends to happen in these situations, you overthink it. In the couple of hours I was mulling it over that evening, I changed my mind about a dozen times as to what I thought the outcome would be. He was really upset about it all and it showed. No matter what I said or did, it wasn’t enough to convince him. He was sure he would be out of the team and he couldn’t settle because of it.
I told him to let me know the following day when he found out about the team selection. No text came so I texted him. Eventually, after he came out of school I got a response. The team sheet had not gone up until the afternoon and he hadn’t been able to go and have a look. He’d texted his mate but he hadn’t seen it either. Another uncomfortable evening in store.
The next day, I got a text. “Yeah, I’m in” was all it said. When I spoke to him, he said he was pleased but more relieved than anything else. So was I. I’ve never really had to try to convince him about anything like that before. He’s always been fairly positive about his own ability when it comes to sport. It was quite a test of my communication when I was trying to convince him and I was really conscious that it would be easy to say the wrong thing and make him feel worse.
It wasn’t long before I had a repeat experience.
That Friday at training, I expected him to do really well after putting the whole selection experience behind him. It started off well enough. I was doing the usual stuff with him and the u11 keeper and his footwork and handling were good. When the younger lad went back to his team, the outfielders lined up for shooting practice at my lad. Initially, the ball was played into them and they were allowed a first touch before getting their shot away. This, with the full size goals turned out to be a recipe for disaster for him. A few of the lads got their eye in early on. He was struggling to reach a lot of them as they dipped just under the crossbar.
Then he let a few in that he’d normally save with ease. I could tell he was getting frustrated, so I had a word to try to reassure him. If anything it made things worse. The shots continued to fly past him. Realising what was happening, the coach changed the practice to make it more difficult for the strikers but the damage had been done. He was struggling with most of the shots because his head had gone. I had another word but to no avail.
Then to make matters worse, a couple of his team mates started taking the mickey when their shots beat him. Nothing too bad but it was like a red rag to a bull. He started saying stuff back and completely lost his concentration. He was upset.
It’s only about 5 minutes to get home from training but it felt longer. Neither of us said anything. Not a word. I thought he was sulking, so just left him alone. I got straight in the shower. When I got out, my wife told me to talk to him. He was laid on his bed, really upset. Crying.
I sat down and asked him what was wrong. It was nothing more than what had happened at the training session but it had affected him more than I’d ever seen before. I reassured him again that these things happen and it’s how you react to them that shows your character. He was ok after a few minutes but again it was a test for me. I was aware as I was talking to him how important this talk could be. The day after next they were playing the best team in the county in a cup game and with a threadbare team, no subs. If his confidence was low going into the game it could end up being very bad.
I put my arms round him – for the first time in I don’t know how long. Not cool to cuddle your dad when you’re a 13 year old lad. Probably more a test of my parenting skills than goalkeeper coaching abilities. Whatever I said and did worked ok because his mood lifted and by the following day he seemed more like his usual self.
They lost the cup game but they played well. The keeper made a few quality saves as well. Next time he needs a chat (or even a cuddle) I’ll be there for him and when I’m trying to get the right words out, I’ll keep the faith.
Keeper of the faith 